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My Poem for English Class

“Summer” by Becker Drane

Summer, when Spring becomes funner
Summer, when The Seems throws balls of wonder
Summer, when if you work out too much you could possibly chunder…

But really, the end of the tunnel
Where darkness covers light
And the truth is hard to see
Under the shade of the innocent tree

When ice cream is again yummy
And the sun stays up as long as it can be
In the sky
Smiling, like it knows why
Even though we don’t

Trust in the plan
If you can
If not, get an In-Between burger, fries and a tan

It’s just beginning, it’s not over
Never a bummer, when it starts to be summer
Hope springs eternal
Popcorn starts with kernels

Like understanding why
The sun loves the sky

Summer, it’s here to stay until that one cold day

A glitch in the Forum

Um, I don’t know if any of you noticed but the FORUM section of the site was hacked over the weekend (it wasn’t Benjamin, I’ve already spoken to him using Truth Serum™), and someone put up some very dirty messages. Sex education, of course, was meant to be taught in schools or discussed between parents and kids (yuck) but probably not from watching Pamela Anderson videos on The Seems website!

So for any of you who were shocked or offended, we are very sorry – and have taken measures to keep these mealy pervs off our sacred ground in the future.

I hope everyone is doing well and look forward to speaking to you soon!



Under The Weather

I don’t know where that saying came from, but I am definitely under the weather. It started as post-nasal drip and then got into my chest and then I started coughing up stuff that looks like this:


Anyway, I tried to kick it myself by sipping Pickmeups and Robitussin, but when that didn’t work I went to see Dr. Cohn. He’s my doctor in Highland Park. Just like I thought, I had a sinus infection. Yuck. Now I’m on anti-biotics (Ceftin) twice a day (with food) for 10 days. The worst part about it is that I didn’t get one day off from school or Fixing. What ever happened to sick days when you could lie in bed at Grandma’s and watch Price is Right and eat toast on a tray? Oh…the good old days.

If it makes you feel any better, I’ve heard from the Department of Health (and Dr. Cohn), that a lot of people are under the weather. It definitely reminds you that your health is the #1 thing, and your other problems are way not that bad. Maybe that’s why sickness is part of The Plan? I’m too ill to get into Planology right now, but I just wanted to say hi and apologize for not writing in a while. (Sound effect of me blowing my nose into a tissue.)

Once I’m above the weather, I should get back to writing the one and only BeckerBlog more often. For now, though, I just need Wonton soup and Discovery Channel “Monsterquest” marathon.

Catch you on the Flip Side.


The End of the World

There has been a lot of talk lately (especially if you’ve seen History Channel’s “Armageddon” week) that the end of the world is coming!

According to the Mayan calendar, Nostradamus, and some other dudes, the end of the world is going to happen on December 24, 2012. Supposedly, this is going to be caused by the fact that the World is in alignment with the sun and the center of the milky way galaxy.

Anyway, after I watched Armageddon week, I called up some friends in the Know and they told me that this is just a nasty rumor that started in The Seems. I guess if the Tide were to take over, they could end The World, but it’s not easy to do that. It requires massive Clearance, encrypted codes, three turned keys, a retina scan, a Personality Scan, and certain other confidential safeguards to pull The Trigger. The Trigger, of course, is what you pull to end The World – but it has only been done a couple times since back in The Day. Once during the Great Flood with Noah’s Ark and all that, and one other time when the dinosaurs died.

Anyway, if I hear anything more, I will keep you posted. I guess in a worst case scenario, we would all end up in A Better Place, but it would be a zoo with all those people coming on the same day and having to wait in line.



Groundhog Day

It’s probably a little bit early to start thinking about Groundhog Day, but that’s the day when Punxsutawney Phil comes out of his underground hole and predicts if winter is going to end. According to the legend, if Phil sees his shadow (on Feb 2), there will be six more weeks of cold. If he does not see his shadow, there will be an early spring.

There are some rumors that Phil actually has an informant in the Department of Weather, (which is why he’s usually right) but this has never been confirmed.

Take the GAT (Groundhog Aptitude Test) by seeing how many of these frequently asked questions you know:

• Yes! Punxsutawney Phil is the only true weather forecasting groundhog. The others are impostors.

• How often is Phil's prediction correct? 100% of the time, of course!

• How many "Phils" have there been over the years? There has only been one Punxsutawney Phil. He has been making predictions for over 120 years!

• Punxsutawney Phil gets his longevity from drinking the "elixir of life," a secret recipe. Phil takes one sip every summer at the Groundhog Picnic and it magically gives him seven more years of life.

• On February 2, Phil comes out of his burrow on Gobbler's Knob - in front of thousands of followers from all over the world - to predict the weather for the rest of winter.

• According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather. If he does not see his shadow, there will be an early spring.

• No! Phil's forecasts are not made in advance by the Inner Circle. After Phil emerges from his burrow on February 2, he speaks to the Groundhog Club president in "Groundhogese" (a language only understood by the current president of the Inner Circle). His proclamation is then translated for the world.

• The celebration of Groundhog Day began with Pennsylvania's earliest settlers. They brought with them the legend of Candlemas Day, which states, "For as the sun shines on Candlemas Day, so far will the snow swirl in May..."

• Punxsutawney held its first Groundhog Day in the 1800s. The first official trek to Gobbler's Knob was made on February 2, 1887.

• So the story goes, Punxsutawney Phil was named after King Phillip. Prior to being called Phil, he was called Br'er Groundhog.

Jukebox Controversy

To everyone who has been posting stuff on THE FORUM section of, thanks! I always read the postings and sometimes reply under different names. (I don’t want The Powers To Be to know I’m participating in any world-based Seems conversations because that could be perceived as a Violation of The Keep Your Mouth Shut Rule and I’m in enough trouble as it is.) Anyway, some people think the music on the Fixer’s Jukebox (in THE FIXER’S LOUNGE section of is too “old school” or “weird” but that’s life. In the words of the musician Ben Harper:

“My choice is what I choose to do,
And if I'm causing no harm, it shouldn't bother you.

Your choice is who you choose to be,
And if you're causin' no harm, then you're alright with me.”

But seriously, we just expanded the amount of gigabytes on the jukebox so it’s about to get even BIGGER. I promise not to put as many of my Dad’s suggestions on there. But I always check my email (or THE FORUM) so please send any suggestions for bands or songs for the jukebox to

(P.S. To the one person who requested the full “Alvin, Simon, & Theodore: The Chipmunks Do Christmas” cd be posted…no.)



Dark Side of the Moon

Just snuck away from the party at Grandma's long enough to find some of my Dad's old CD's, and what do I find but his old scratched up copy of Pink Floyd's classic "Dark Side of the Moon." Fortunately, it downloaded onto my laptop with no skips, and I thought I'd slap it in its entirety on the Fixer's Jukebox as a Christmas present to all of you more patient listeners out there...

Should only be listened to alone, late at night, with huge headphones on your head and about an hour on your hand. First time I listened, scared the crap out of me, but it was my old friend (and enemy) Thibadeau Freck (formerly of France, now of Seemsberia), who truly turned me on to the magic of Floyd. So even though I hope to never speak to him again, at least he gave me this little treat...

P.S. more tunes being uploaded this week, including a mix from WVHP DJ Matt Rockman, but in the meantime, hope you enjoy.


Merry Christmas (and Seemsmas!) everybody!!! I have to go to my Grandma's to open presents so I can't stay long! I hope I get a new scarf because mine has holes in it. And socks. The Sock Gremlin has hit me hard as of late and Lost & Found has been no help whatsoever. I hope I get home in time to go to my friend Chudses house for Hannukah. They are having late night Latkas and Hannukah geld! Ok, they are honking the horn at me outside. I hope my Dad doesn't make us listen to his Chipmunks Christmas album AGAIN. Ugh.

Anyway, hope everyone has a good xmas and don't eat too many cookies or Dazzleberry Pie!!



Safety in Numbers

Thanks to the “Seems experts” out there who pointed out a terrible discrepancy in some of the numbers relating to “The Seems.” As those of us in The Know know, Fixer Lucien Chiappa (featured in Book 2: “The Split Second”), is Fixer #12. HOWEVER, on the invitation to his retirement celebration at The Flip Side (the last page of The Split Second), he is listed as Fixer #22! This is a typo and Flip feels awful about it. But Mr. Chiappa already saw it and laughed. His exact words were: “Tell Flip to stick to burgers not flyers!”

Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know that it was no big deal and Mr. and Mrs. Chiappa were not the slightest bit upset. Now they have something to give Flip a hard time about til’ the end of Time.

Which hopefully won’t be any time soon!




I was hoping this year that I wouldn’t get tired and fall asleep right after Thanksgiving dinner. Everybody knows that Turkey contains the amino acid “Tryptophan” and Tryptophan makes you tired. This year, however, we were having the Turducken (see: my Turducken blog) and so I figured that since I was eating part duck, I would only be half as tired. But for some reason, I was still sleepy – I think because I ate an entire pumpkin pie.

It was worth it.

Anyway, I contacted my friends at the Food & Drink Administration (FDA) to get the real story and they said that Tryptophan is probably not why people get tired. It’s because they eat whole pumpkin pies. That said, Tryptophan in its pure form CAN make you sleepy.


Therefore, if you see this molecule floating around your house or school, don’t grab it. Unless you’re looking for a Good Night’s Sleep…