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Snowhere to be found

I’m starting to get very suspicious that either there is a broken Flake Gasket in the Snow Blower or The Tide is up to more Global Warming attacks. (Many people believe The Tide is responsible for Global Warming, but that’s another story.)

What I wanted to blog about is that there has been like no snow in my town this entire winter. I don’t know about you, but I here in New Jersey and by February there is usually at least one substantial snow. The Weather Channel has predicted a number of big storms but at the last minute they all seem to dry up (or wet up) and all we get is rain! Very suspicious.

I happen to like it when it snows because things start to look like a winter wonderland and we always have our annual “Drane/Crozier vs. Hutkin Boyz Battle to The Death Snowball Fight Texas Steel Cage Death Match Royale.” This year we have had nothing to throw at each other and pretty soon, if it doesn’t snow I fear it will degenerate into throwing Clementines, figs, or any other projectiles we can get our hands on.

Now that I am thinking about it, I am going to Blink a message to Central Command just to report the lack of snow. As a Fixer, one of your off-duty responsibilities is to keep an eye out in The World and see if you see anything suspicious. That’s another reason (other than the 7th Sense) that it’s good to have Fixers who live in The World rather than The Seems.

Anyway, if YOU happen to notice anything in The World that’s really whacked – and I don’t mean politics or religion – you can always let me know at and I will pass it on to The Powers That Be.

P.S. That’s my personal email, so don’t give it out.

The Majestic Twelve

My flophead friends the Chapman sisters just turned me onto my new favorite band, the Majestic Twelve. A bunch of their videos are on YouTube, but here's the on for their new song, "CRY." I think you'll dig it...

Anybody feel that?

If you just had a weird feeling like you just came out of a really long daydream but you don't remember any of the details, or like you maybe you forgot where you were and what you were doing there, don't worry, it pretty much happened to every single person in the World. What really happened was that The Department of Time was putting were doing a routine diagnostic on the pipeline to Reality, and they had to shut things down for a few seconds. Everything turned out fine, but Time Management wants to take every precaution and I don't blame them. To be honest, things have been pretty sketch in that Department ever since the Tide stole a bunch of Frozen Moments from the Daylight Savings Bank, and the fear is that they're working on another Time Bomb. I can't really talk about what happened last time, but suffice it to say, no one wants that to happen. Security in Time Square has been like google plexed, and chances are the person next to you in line at the Magic Hour coffeeshop or the Second Hand Store is an undercover Minuteman -- and so far, so good. But no one's taking anything for granted, and Fixers like me are on serious alert, even I'm not even close to up next on the Rotation (remind me to tell you about the Rotation referendum, by the way, because it could change everything about how Fixers (and Briefers) are called in). As for how to prepare for any future diagnostics/Time lapses, I'm sorry to say there's not much you can do except hope someone catches these guys before it's too late.

I'll keep you posted...

Thanks a lot... the Department of Health for the stomach virus that has laid waste to my entire family (not to mention half of HP). I know viruses are as much a part of the Plan as humans or birds or lizards, but this kind of sucks. Can't move. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Burning up and freezing at the same time. And what's it's doing to my...well, let's just say we're divvying up bathrooms at the Drane estate, because no one wants to be second through the door...

No chance I'll be in school tomorrow, but the real bummer is that I'm almost up on the Rotation, and I was dying for a sweet Mission to make up for some of the important but let's be honest lame ones I've been given the last two times (not including Missions that are more long-term)...

Now I'm just dying...

Moral Dilemma

As I think I've said before, privacy matters are a huge concern in The Seems, because the last thing anyone over there wants to make someone over here feel is that their lives are an open book for anyone else to read. Not to menion even bigger issues like free will, Thought crimes, and Memory Bank security, but those are topics for another day. What I'm getting at today is a certain moral dilemma that I'm facing right now, one I was hoping to get some opinions on...

One of the most important Rules in The Seems is called "The Golden Rule," which states the following:

"No employee, advocate or agent of The Seems having accessed (or with access to) the confidential Case File of a person in The World may engage in contact, communication, and/or relationship with said person, romantic or otherwise."

It's pretty much considered the grandaddy of them all, at least where human beings are concerned and breaking it is considered like a seriously bad call. Criminal, even.

That said, there is this one person that I met on my first Mission whose name I’d rather not mention in writing (those of you who’ve read The Glitch in Sleep probably know who I might be talking about). And despite the aforementioned Rules, the reality is that I’ve accidentally and/or strictly in the line of duty maybe only a couple times since that Mission checked up on that person through my Blinker and maybe even once on the um, Internet. Purely by accident, as I stated. And I really haven't found out anything. Much. At all.

The reason I’ve been thinking about contacting this said person – THINKING about it– is simply to see how their life has been and if the Dream which I was involved in during my Mission in Sleep has had any positive effects, however small. Hence, my moral dilemma IS…If a Fixer contacts a person and no one at Central Command or The Big Building hears about it, and it’s just to drop a line via email or even maybe say hello one time on the phone, would that really be so bad? And aren't certain Rules meant to be, if not broken, then at least interpreted as to the spirit in which they were intended (stole that from last night's Law & Order)?

If you have any advice for me, can you please post a response to this blog, or if you'd rather keep it between us, email me at

Thank you.

P.S. Let’s keep this on the DL.

Better Than A Good Night's Sleep

Woke up at 3 AM this morning, for no reason other than the fact that my parents turn the heat up to like a million degrees at night and there's literally no moisture in the air of this house. All attempts to get comfortable again failed, and being that I'm pretty sure The Glitch who messed things up last time is safely tucked away in Seemsberia, I was pretty sure this was an isolated incident. But while waiting for my replacement package of GNS to arrive, I turned to the next best thing...a YouTube binge. Spent most of the last two and a half surfing through my favorite new musicians/bands, some of whom I'd never actually seen before, and thought you might dig a few videos and live performances...

Hope you enjoy, and that you're sleeping a whole lot better than I am...



My Mom said I had to get rid of the link to the New Kingdom video. Sorry about that, and hope you enjoyed...





"DAYVAN COWBOY" BY BOARDS OF CANADA (don't really know these guys, but the video's pretty sweet...)

Holiday Cheer

When it rains, it pours. I waited all this time for my first Mission and now I’ve gotten assigned TWO long term Missions all in one month. A “long-term” Mission is what Fixers are often assigned to work on in their “spare time.” It’s not that the Mission isn’t important it’s just that it’s not “World-critical.” Ie…The World is not at imminent risk but rather it’s something we need to take care of as soon as time permits.

The new one I got assigned is called “Holiday Cheer.” I never knew this, but every year The Department of Thought & Emotion tries to increase the amount of Good Cheer in The World, to get people in the “holiday spirit.” Most people think that it’s just the snow and the Christmas lights that get you in that mood, but mood is largely a factor of what Thoughts and Emotions are dredged from the Wells, packaged in Issue Paper and sent down the Thought Tracks and into The World. Of course, it’s up to you in the end, but sometimes if you feel really happy or sad and you can’t figure out why – it could be this.

Anyway, what I’m proposing for Holiday Cheer is a “Brainstorm” – that’s where Thought & Emotion team up with Weather to try to create a global vibe. They’ve done it before – like in the Sixties, and during the “No Nukes” period but it’s hard to get The Powers That Be to sign off on something like that unless it’s for a very good cause. But I think this year, we could use some Positive Energy.

Well, now you know my plan – so keep your ears and 7th Sense peeled. If suddenly you feel the warm glow of the holiday spirit – then you’ll know they approved my request. If you feel more like Scrooge, then they probably said “no.”

Bee Careful

I don’t know if it’s because of the holidays or what, but ever since my first Mission, things have been really busy in The Seems.

It’s against the Rules to discuss Missions in Progress but let’s just say I’ve been working on some very cool projects. Me and one other Fixer actually got put in charge of a new Mission called “Bee Careful” which is all about the disappearance of the bees in The World.

I’m not sure if you’ve been paying attention, but the honey bees have been disappearing at an alarming rate in over 24 different Sectors in The World – particularly in the USA. Scientists are brain fried about what’s causing it. There are all these theories that it’s cell phone radio waves and a virus and this and that, but of course – we know better. Myself and Fixer #31 are looking at causes in The Department of Nature – particularly the Flower Plant -- to try to get to the root of the problem. There is also an ongoing investigation as to weather Tide involvement is at play here. I personally believe they have a hand in this one – but again, I can’t speak to the details of an ongoing investigation.

Let’s just say that if you want to know more about this one, you’ll have to dig into mellisopalynology on your own. I’m looking closely at pinobanksin and Clostridium botulinum. I never thought I would have to know anything about that stuff in my life, but that’s one of the cool things about Fixing – you really get to learn the inner workings of the stuff you go on Missions to Fix.

Anyway, on top of saving The World, I am totally behind on holiday shopping. I guess everyone is gonna get Target gift cards again this year. Oh well, I guess they’ll understand.

Review for Transformers: The Movie


The Fixer's Lounge

For the record, I would very much like to apologize for the fact that the Fixer’s Lounge is not yet as stocked as I want it to be. The plan is to have one of those mini-refrigerators stocked with Coke, Diet Coke, Snapple, Red Bull, & Fresca. To have big lounge chairs or even egg shaped chairs from back in the day. To have live entertainment on Thursdays and Sundays (just kidding). To have mood lighting, a full jukebox (that plays for free!), ping pong tables, and a whole library where people can check out Fixer lore, illustrations, stories about little known Missions – and basically just the stuff that people like me and you who are serious about The Seems will like.

Unfortunately, if you’ve ever built a house, you know how delays seem to mount. The dry-wall people show up late, the refrigerator turns everything to ice, the dog eats your lore, etc…etc… That plus the fact that I have been very busy. Not only is saving The World a little stressful right now, but it’s the end of the marking period at school and I have yet to even start my holiday shopping. I think I’m just going to go to The Seems Store in The Department of Everything That Has no Department and get everyone there something nice. It’s easy, no lines, and who wouldn’t want a pair of the new flannel Seems pajamas!?

With that said, I promise to get seriously back to The Fixer’s Lounge come X-mas or New Year’s. I’ve hired a new interior designer and a chef, although he says it will be hard to serve hot food over the internet. That’s what they said about going to the moon, though.

For those of you who have not chilled in the Fixer’s Lounge, I highly recommend it -- but it is password protected to keep non-believers out. If you try to go in, they will give you a hint about that, but I don’t want to say it here. You never know if Google or Meta-Crawler are watching. Anyway, I gotta go because it’s early in the morning and I have to get to school. Tonight are parent-teacher conferences. I can only imagine what that’s gonna be like.

I hope I don’t have to have a “talk.”